You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: y

Stranger: hi

You: hi

Stranger: asl

You: woah, woah

You: calm down, you dont even know my name yet

Stranger: asl

You: We’ll get to that

You: But first

You: My name is

You: Slartibartfast

You: And i am 19

You: and i am female

Stranger: o yea

Stranger: have pics

You: Okay, you’re gonna need to get some things first

Stranger: what

You: You will need, and make sure you get all of these things

You: A hair dryer.

You: A toaster

You: 4 SLICE, NOT 2

You: It must be a 4 slice toaster

You: A box of matches

You: A coathanger

You: And a freshly aborted fetus

You: Only then will you be ready for your mission

You: I will resume contact when you are prepared.

Stranger: ok

You: This is a very, very important mission

You: You have been chosen

You: Then i will send you pics.

Stranger: ok

You: GO! GATHER THE ARTIFACTS

Stranger: what artefact

You: The items i have listed

You: GATHER THEM

You: FOR THE RITUAL

Stranger: a bed

You: then i will send you the money

You: And the plane tickets to my location

You: But you must first gather the items i have told you

Stranger: 20

You: Excuse me sir, are you blind!

You: CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF THE MISSION

You: CTULLU WILL RISE AGAIN

You: BLARGKARGH TAK DA BUGLUSG

Stranger: o

Stranger: i not ar sir

You: You are a lady?

Stranger: no

You: THEN YOU ARE A SIR, SIR.

You: Gather the items

You: Gather

You: Them

You: Now!

You: Gather

You: Items

Stranger: no i are boy

You: Listen here then boy, you have been chosen for the most important mission in the entire, world.

You: GATHER THE ITEMS

You: NOW

Stranger: i have13

You: 13 what?

You: 13 items?

Stranger: years

You: i only needed 5 items

You: NOT 13

Stranger: not ?

You: No

You: I need 5 ITEms

You: A HAIR DRYER, A 4 SLICE TOASTER, A BOX OF MATCHES, A COATHANGER, AND A FETUS.

Stranger: i gave 13 years

You: I CANT TAKE YOUR YEARS.

You: i need the items

Stranger: noo

You: Cthullu ak nimjan

Stranger: you not need the items

You: I need the itemsf

You: For the ritual

Stranger: you are craicy

You: I am not crazy

You: I have seen the truth

Stranger: yes you are

You: THE DESTROYER OR PLANETS

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: HI!

Stranger: wuha

You: WOOHA

You: to you to

Stranger: yayasimuai

You: Wa da day day day

You: wa da day day dang

You: Watch my nine millimetre go bang

You: ya ya samurai

Stranger: haha

You: Haha indeed my good stranger

You: Haha indeed

Stranger: where areyou

You: Right here

You: Where are you?

Stranger: oh，behind u

You: Dad, is that you?

Stranger: mom？

Stranger: heh

You: so buddy, we’re pretty good friends now yeah?

Stranger: sure

You: Want to help me out?

You: What country are you from?

Stranger: japan

You: Perfect, alright this is the plan

You: Ill wire you some money, you put like 10-15 japanese schoolgirls on a plane, and send them to me.

You: preferably between the ages of 14-16

You: I’ll have my way with them, bit of rape, bit of sodomy

You: Then ill stuff em full of drugs and send em back to you,

Stranger: ok

You: You sell the drugs in Japan, we’re mother fucking rich

Stranger: 呵呵

Your conversational partner has disconnected.